I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there's paper in my vomit.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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