I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Randomize
