my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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