Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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