I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
