my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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