you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's never too late to be topless.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
