i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
