omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
