Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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