Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish I could teleport
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
