I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
