Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't notice because vodka
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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