im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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