Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.

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(310): she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category. http://tfl.nu/bs6u

Replies (55) Good night (936) Bad night (11618)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me

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(908): he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me http://tfl.nu/31sq

Replies (20) Good night (1820) Bad night (4762)
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(303): View more from Colorado

GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.

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(303): GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car. http://tfl.nu/jp7a

Replies (14) Good night (1098) Bad night (4396)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.

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(202): Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again. http://tfl.nu/k4e9

Replies (89) Good night (1547) Bad night (10299)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.

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(708): I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look. http://tfl.nu/k5sb

Replies (15) Good night (4780) Bad night (925)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.

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(901): She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab. http://tfl.nu/iean

Replies (6) Good night (2550) Bad night (880)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Naked Twister starts at high noon

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(913): Naked Twister starts at high noon http://tfl.nu/ka5x

Replies (16) Good night (2272) Bad night (727)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.

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(205): Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth. http://tfl.nu/rtd2

Replies (12) Good night (1215) Bad night (2358)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.

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(575): I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend. http://tfl.nu/kkwb

Replies (3) Good night (775) Bad night (1501)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february

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(732): if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february http://tfl.nu/tz00

Replies (2) Good night (1303) Bad night (692)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.

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(270): Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail. http://tfl.nu/dt82

Replies (2) Good night (970) Bad night (549)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives

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(501): Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives http://tfl.nu/b213

Replies (14) Good night (1376) Bad night (567)
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(912): View more from Georgia

If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.

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(912): If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight. http://tfl.nu/iyrl

Replies (2) Good night (906) Bad night (533)
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(512): View more from Texas

For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.

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(512): For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina. http://tfl.nu/nkmi

Replies (5) Good night (1199) Bad night (366)
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(310): View more from California

Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz

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(310): Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz http://tfl.nu/s64c

Replies (3) Good night (1053) Bad night (376)

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