You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?