I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed