I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY