note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.