My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
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Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name