Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.