You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.