Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine