I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
