i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
