Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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