Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
