my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
