I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wear drunk well.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
