dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
