the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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