They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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