yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
