i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
