just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
