did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
