He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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