i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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