True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
