opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
