hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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