Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
