fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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