you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
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I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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