I wish I could teleport
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
