I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
