I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
