I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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