Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
