i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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