i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
