While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
