So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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