My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
