i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
