dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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