She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
