So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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