Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
