I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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