Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Come on in and take your pants off
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