K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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