dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I AM VODKA MAN
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
